I'm here. I'm actually here. When did this happen? How did I end up back in Australia? I know there was sweat, tears, fears, joy, triumph, work, paperwork, packing, and a million other things involved but how did it all come together?
I faintly remember the flight. The nonstop turbulence for 13 hours LA to Sydney. Carrying overpacked bags through crowds to my next gate.
I have been back in Northern Queensland for almost 7 weeks now. Time and life has flown.
I am actually living my dream. This is my life. Doing what I love. Doing what I feel created for. How can I even begin to list out the things I've been involved in since being back? Youth teams, fundraiser breakfast, a medical ship sailing to PNG, press releases, newspaper blurbs, community events, meeting Prime Ministers....
I am blown away that when I wake up in the morning this is where I am. I have been filled with a range of emotions from the minute my plane touched down in this humid, beach town. Mostly surreal.
The hardest part of becoming a missionary and living out my dream is reality sets in. The fact of the matter is, I haven't magically become an amazing person over night. The people I serve alongside are just as human as I am. Some of them are very frustrating and annoying humans. Some of them are wonderful beyond words.
Me. Well, I'm still super broken and imperfect. I didn't wake up this morning without faults because I chose to follow God into my new life. In fact, not every day as a missionary is one of submission (handing over my control and rights to God and letting Him lead).
Sometimes I just stuff up! Sometimes my attitude is crap! Sometimes I am tired and cranky and full of venom.
In fact, my last experience out here was one of unbelievable triumph and joy. This time has been a lot harder. I find it hard at times to focus on God when I'm working so hard for Him. Oh, but there is my issue.... my surrender needs to be continual.
Despite the problems, I am in the best part of my life because IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! How refreshing is that? *Sigh!*
No matter how irritating people can be, especially me, God remains God. While my emotions spatter the map, He is. He is good. He is righteous. He is peace. He is LIFE. He is LOVE. He is truth. While I may choose to walk in a tainted identity, He sees me with eyes of love. I sometimes run after my own ambitions and forget what is tangible, He is there patiently turning me back.
I have been walking in incredible frustration wondering why as a follower of Christ and missionary I don't have much together. I make the same mistakes over and over. But I stop and wait for His truth. What does God intend for me and what would He say about me?
He doesn't intend frustration and discontent. While I don't get magical fairy dust to fix all my personality quirks, I certainly can't bury myself in lies and self-doubt. I can wake up tomorrow overfilled with joy. I can spend my day in peace, despite all circumstances. I can be beautiful. I can be sweet, calm, patient, kind, slow to anger.
In fact, this is how I will choose to live. I am not changing who I am, from imperfect me. I am just becoming more of who I really am. Who I was made to be. My identity isn't that I'm a missionary. My identity doesn't lie in the fact I live in Australia instead of America. My identity is found at the foot of the Cross. A life submitted to God! Let the world see Him, not me!
I faintly remember the flight. The nonstop turbulence for 13 hours LA to Sydney. Carrying overpacked bags through crowds to my next gate.
I have been back in Northern Queensland for almost 7 weeks now. Time and life has flown.
I am actually living my dream. This is my life. Doing what I love. Doing what I feel created for. How can I even begin to list out the things I've been involved in since being back? Youth teams, fundraiser breakfast, a medical ship sailing to PNG, press releases, newspaper blurbs, community events, meeting Prime Ministers....
I am blown away that when I wake up in the morning this is where I am. I have been filled with a range of emotions from the minute my plane touched down in this humid, beach town. Mostly surreal.
The hardest part of becoming a missionary and living out my dream is reality sets in. The fact of the matter is, I haven't magically become an amazing person over night. The people I serve alongside are just as human as I am. Some of them are very frustrating and annoying humans. Some of them are wonderful beyond words.
Me. Well, I'm still super broken and imperfect. I didn't wake up this morning without faults because I chose to follow God into my new life. In fact, not every day as a missionary is one of submission (handing over my control and rights to God and letting Him lead).
Sometimes I just stuff up! Sometimes my attitude is crap! Sometimes I am tired and cranky and full of venom.
In fact, my last experience out here was one of unbelievable triumph and joy. This time has been a lot harder. I find it hard at times to focus on God when I'm working so hard for Him. Oh, but there is my issue.... my surrender needs to be continual.
Despite the problems, I am in the best part of my life because IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! How refreshing is that? *Sigh!*
No matter how irritating people can be, especially me, God remains God. While my emotions spatter the map, He is. He is good. He is righteous. He is peace. He is LIFE. He is LOVE. He is truth. While I may choose to walk in a tainted identity, He sees me with eyes of love. I sometimes run after my own ambitions and forget what is tangible, He is there patiently turning me back.
I have been walking in incredible frustration wondering why as a follower of Christ and missionary I don't have much together. I make the same mistakes over and over. But I stop and wait for His truth. What does God intend for me and what would He say about me?
He doesn't intend frustration and discontent. While I don't get magical fairy dust to fix all my personality quirks, I certainly can't bury myself in lies and self-doubt. I can wake up tomorrow overfilled with joy. I can spend my day in peace, despite all circumstances. I can be beautiful. I can be sweet, calm, patient, kind, slow to anger.
In fact, this is how I will choose to live. I am not changing who I am, from imperfect me. I am just becoming more of who I really am. Who I was made to be. My identity isn't that I'm a missionary. My identity doesn't lie in the fact I live in Australia instead of America. My identity is found at the foot of the Cross. A life submitted to God! Let the world see Him, not me!
