Boise: 5 Years

Five years ago today (barely 22 years old), most of my worldly possessions were crammed into my 1989 Grand Marque station wagon.  It was about 4 am in Castle Rock, CO and I drove off in the cold and snow.  I had no idea what lie ahead but I knew I was going where God called. 

I hit a blizzard outside of Cheyenne, WY.  When I got out to fill up with gas, my car door froze shut.  Planting my foot on the side of the car, I pulled with all my strength to get the door open and continue on my way.  The next five to six hours were full of tension as I struggled to see the front of my car, let alone the road for all of the snow.  The winds were harsh.  I cried at a few points, tired and running low on money, I just wanted to get there. 

"God, what am I doing?" I didn't have a job there.  I didn't even know anyone there.... but I was moving to Boise.

I had been to Boise for about 48 hours a few weeks earlier.  It was my first time in Idaho.  The minute we drove into the city, I saw the desert mountains with snow lining them, the Cross alight on top of Table Rock, the sun was setting and the sky lit up in a bright pink, I knew this is where God would bring me.  I did not know when or how but I knew I would end up here.

Years earlier in college, I felt called to missions.  My parents were missionaries when I was younger.  The closer I grew to God, the more I felt the call.  The only difference was, my parents never had an anchor.  They didn't have a home church to report to.  We didn't have a city in the US to call home.  Where we laid our heads was our home.  I wanted things to be different.  I knew no matter where I went, I wanted a place to call home.

A few weeks after visiting Idaho for the first time, I was back at my job as a nanny in Colorado.  Before I had taken my vacation, things were not going well.  I wanted to quit but felt bound to my year contract.  Finally, after an accident by the five-year-old which sent the mom into an angry frenzy, I quit.  I couldn't stand how the kids were treated by their parents and how I had no authority.  I gave them until the new year to replace me.  It was the Monday before Thanksgiving.  Later that week, they came to me.  "We feel it would be best for everyone if you were out by the end of the week."  I had three days to pack all of my belongings and figure out what I was going to do.

I prayed.  My parents were in West Virginia, my siblings in Texas, my friends mostly in the Midwest or out East, my grandmother in Arizona, and I had an offer at an old job in a resort town in Colorado.  But, Boise kept coming to my head.  I kept praying.  My dad didn't like the idea of me moving further west.  My friends were not supportive, and my grandmother wanted me back living with her.  But, I could not shake that I was called to Boise.  So I went. 

After 15 tension filled hours of driving, I arrived in Boise after dark and found a hotel.  The next morning, I promptly grabbed a newspaper and searched for a place to live.  I felt defeated after a calling many places and having them all tell me the apartment was rented out.  Finally, later that day, I found a place.  The next day I moved in.  By my second day in Boise, I was looking for a job and started at the mall.  I walked into the first store and asked if they were hiring.  It was Christmas season.  They hired me a few hours later and I started training the next day.  Three days in Boise, I had a place to live and a job. 

Loneliness was my biggest obstacle at first.  I had to work about 70-80 hours a week to pay my bills the first 6 months.  I worked at jobs with people I really couldn't relate to.  I liked them all but they all partied, drank, and smoked pot.  And, I was always working.  I curled up at night and prayed for God to bring me Christian friends. 

But, God did more than that.  He drew me closer to Himself.  He used all of the silence to speak to me.  I had seen God most of my life as a distant and powerful being. He could crush and destroy.  In that time of silence, my heart began to be filled with a new love.  Promises of who He really was.  I think of Hosea where he says, "I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her."

I started to see God in a new light.  A perfect and never ending love.  My heart was mending.  So many hurts, so many lies I had believed about myself, and bitterness was being washed away and replaced with a joy.  I cannot put into words all that God did in me but for the first time in my life, I saw Him as a close, loving and intimate God who yearns for a relationship with us. 

About two months after I moved here, I was hosting in a restaurant when a cute, bubbly server came over and introduced herself to me.  She talked so fast I could hardly understand her.  She asked me how I ended up in Boise.  My response, "God."

Her eyes lit up.  "You're a Christian!"

"Yes."

"I have a church for you." She told me about how a year ago, she had met some people passing through town who invited her to this brand new church.  She grudgingly went, completely hungover and ready to find fault.  That day, at the end of the service, she gave her life to Christ. 

I hesitantly went to her church.  Like her, expecting to find fault since I was pretty jaded from past "church" experiences.  Instead, I found a group of people devoted to reaching others, loving, and seeking God.  I found my family.  Over the past five years, the church has grown from about 200 people to 2,000 impacting hundreds of lives.  Mine included. 

I prepare to move on to the mission field.  To leave Boise and The Pursuit (my church) behind.  These past five years have been anything but easy.  But, I have my anchor.  A place to call home.  No matter where I roam, I will always know I have a group of people here devoted to praying for one another.  I will still love that bubbly server, Steph, who has been an encouragement and good friend through the years.  And, I will long for the beautiful mountains, the Boise River, and so much more that make this place exactly what God had intended for me. 

I love Boise, Idaho.  HOME.

Social Norm or Crazy?

I love my church.  It is filled with people who truly seek God and desire to do His will.  We, like so many other churches in America, still fall under some brutal problems when it comes to our faith and obedience to God.  The American church seems to be fairly complacent and not willing to challenge social norms.  We are comfortable.  Way too comfortable.

I've become so much more aware of the issue as I read the Word, attend leadership conferences, have traveled to Nicaragua, and am now preparing to go to Australia. 

I had an epiphany, if you will, on my drive home from church today. Since choosing to leave my good-paying job and start training to become a foreign missionary, I have come under severe questioning about my motives, my heart, and my calling.  I have had Christians I respect oppose me. 

I understand accountability and respect it.  What I don't understand, is why did no one have a problem with me getting up everyday to do the corporate grind, live in a nice apartment, buy new clothes and gym memberships, go out to eat, and attend a nice church on Sunday?  Did anyone sit down with me and question my motives, where my heart was?  Did anyone pray with me to make sure this is where God was leading my life? 

Sure, I wasn't doing anything wrong.  In fact, I was paying off debt, working hard, had good relationships, and supporting my church and missionaries financially.

When I chose to move forward, give up my security and follow a calling I have felt on my life for a really long time, all of a sudden, people become suspicious, cautious, act as if I am running from something, questioning if this is really what God wants from me.

If I had chosen to follow the "social norm" for America, no one would question God's call on my life.  But, when I choose to step out in faith, leave the "huddle" and act, I meet with opposition.  Making $50K a year sitting at a desk is a worthy cause, but traveling into jungles to love people and lead them to Christ is a problem? Are we really that afraid? Do we really not believe in the great commission? Is it really that hard to believe my heart was in the right place when pelted by commercialism and the need for "things" but it's not in the right place now?  

I appreciate all the advice and concerns people have for me because I know my motives can stray.  I am far from perfect and pure of heart.  But, I am frustrated that it was fine for me, as an American Christian, to live comfortably without question. 

Do I fear what lies ahead.... sometimes.  I am more afraid of waking up some day to realize that everything in my life was vain, lives weren't changed, people perished because I was too busy following a social norm.  God can work with or without me, but I don't want to stand before Him someday to have all of my good deeds burned up because they were never really good at all. I long to follow Him to the hurt and the broken, to love the unloved.  American church, shouldn't that be our social norm? Shouldn't we be questioning anything less?   

I love MercyMe's song CRAZY.  "I have not been called to the wisdom of this world, but to a God who is calling out to me.  And even though the world may think I'm losing touch with reality.  It would be crazy to choose this world over eternity..."

Plane Tickets

I now have my plane tickets to Australia!  I just need 73% of my funding to go..... praise God, in 1 week I got 12%.

Dear God, We Need This Much Money

Discouragement has been rearing it's ugly head lately.  If only I weren't human and didn't have to fight my flesh! 

I prayed on Thursday night as I left my life group.  Should I keep forging on to Australia or play it safe, keep my job, and save more and more?  So, as I drove, I prayed.  Recognizing that God is so much bigger than my needs.  What is any of this to a God who spoke and created the world? 

But, I desire to do His will and want to make sure where I am headed is where he is leading. 

An electronic billboard flashed through ads in the night sky as I headed downtown on the connector.  A lottery sign flashed up.  I laughed.  When I was about 4 years old, my parents needed money for missions.  We prayed as a family.  With the absolute faith of a child, I prayed, "Dear God, we need 'this much' money." I held up my small hands indicating a large stack of bills.  And, God showed up.  Someone who knew my parents had purchased a lottery ticket.... a winning ticket for the exact amount of money my parents needed. 

Here I am, 23 years later, praying the same prayer and God sent me a little reminder of how He always comes through. 

The next day, I came home from work to find a $1000 check in the mail.  I felt it was the confirmation I needed.  Keep moving forward, don't give up, God is so much bigger!