Waiting is the Hardest Part

I have started two new jobs which I am very grateful for.  They help pass time quicker and provide income and savings I need to return to Australia.  But, waiting really is the hardest part.

My new jobs now conflict with most of my friends' work schedules.  It also conflicts with Life Group.  Free time normally equates, Erin time.  I get things accomplished but there are only so many hours in a day for reading and chores.

Feeling pretty lonely.  My friend, Christina, just left to embark on a two+ year adventure to England with Operation Mobilization.  I am so excited for her, but that leaves me with limited friends who have a heart/understanding for missions.  Two other good friends just had babies, making their whole world a whole different world than mine.  Feeling pretty lonely.

Let's face it.  I miss Australia.  I know I'm going back but those six months stretch out ahead of me as if eternity.  I miss my DTS family who are scattered across the globe.  A lot of them are returning to University.

While other lives seem to move on to marriage, university, kids, world missions, mine feels like it is standing still.  Nay, I feel as if I am being pulled backward.  It's been two months since I left Australia and this time feels longer than the six months I was there.

I know this is me complaining.  I really have a good life and no hardships, so I shouldn't complain.  I have a wander-lust.  A desire to go do.  A desire to use my time to be meaningful.  My love language is acts of service and physical touch.... two things I'm missing a lot.  Once, I get my work schedule worked out, I plan on serving in the community, however, right now it's scattered all over.

But waiting is the hardest part! 

Returning to Oz....

A few years ago at my church, we sang a song.  It went something like "all I am is Yours".  My pastor asked us after we got done singing if we really meant that or if we were still holding something in our hands.  I knew I was.  I was holding on to security and comfort. The next time we sang that song I lifted my hands and opened them.  In my heart I said, "God, I want to mean this.  Everything I am and have really is Yours.  Use me, even if it's going to be scary." 

Shortly after that, I felt called to foreign missions.  Eight months ago, I was on a plane headed to Australia.  I sat there thinking, "Is this really happening?  I just quit a really good job in a bad economy.  I left so many friends and an amazing church.  But, I'm so excited!"  

My entire 6 months of the Discipleship Training School, I was praying about what was next.  I knew I was wrecked for the ordinary. I couldn't just go back to the States, get a normal job, tithe 10%, go on short-term mission trips every few years.... I knew I was created for something so much bigger. 

It came to an accumulation during week 5, Lordship week, when I knew God was asking me to lay Boise at His feet and surrender to where ever He would call me next.  I didn't want to but I did it.   

Still every time I prayed about my future, God wouldn't give me an answer. I felt like He kept telling me to live in the "here and now".  Not looking to what is next all the time.  It was a huge lesson and I'm so glad I did because I learned so much and enjoyed my time.  

I was frustrated, however, the week of graduation when I still didn't know.  Frustrated further as I traveled Australia afterward and didn't have any answers. 

After visiting my last group of friends at the Gold Coast before flying back to Sydney to return to the States, I cried my eyes out.  I thought I would completely fall apart on the plane.  Tears streamed down my face.  I felt like I had just grown hugely and now I would be returning to the States with no job and no idea what was next.  

After a nightmare of backed up flights in Sydney (volcanic ash wreaking havoc on Australia's flights), I boarded my plane to return.  I wanted to cry more.  I was leaving a place I loved so much.  Would I ever see it again?  

I sat in my seat and a peace fell over me.  As we took off, I felt incredible comfort.  Then I heard God's voice in a whisper.  "It's okay, you're coming back." 

But, how? And when?  I still didn't know.  So I took comfort that some day I would return. 

After getting back the more I thought about returning to staff in Townsville, the more excited I got.  I honestly didn't think I would go back on staff.  It didn't feel like an option when I was there.  I don't know why, but it didn't.  Now, I don't know how I missed that option the whole time.  

So, after more prayer, I will be returning to Australia in 2012.... likely early March.  Until then, I will raise support, work, and trust God for further direction.  I'm so excited!!!