Plan "B"?

It's imbedded in our culture. Part of the fabric of Western Society. The "back-up plan" also known as plan B.

In this context allow me to speak as a Christian to Christians.

It seems like in almost every decision we make, we have a few more in our pocket just in case the first one falls through.

"If college doesn't work out, I'll go into the military." "In case this spouse doesn't meet my needs I'll get a new one." "If all else fails I can do X, Y, and Z."

I will be honest, Plan "B" makes me angry! I see plan B as one of many things, none of them positive. Either we don't really believe we can follow through on our commitments or we don't really believe God.

I believe I am called into full-time missions. I believe that calling is to serve with Youth With a Mission using my journalism and photography for His glory. To reach nations.

The past few weeks I have been struggling with discouragement and doubt a lot about my calling. Part of it is because I haven't taken time to pray and hear from God like I should. The other reason is I've had Christian after Christian listen to where God is leading me. Then, wrapping up the conversation they say something like, "That's great, but what's your plan B if it doesn't work out."

Gutted!

Are you kidding me? Did I stutter? I KNOW GOD IS CALLING ME TO THIS. Now, either you don't believe me when I say that or you don't believe that God is big enough to handle what lies ahead. Either you are calling me a liar or you are saying God isn't sovereign.

Yes, that is a bold statement. Yes, sometimes God calls us to something and our own desires or expectations get in the way. I do not believe I am above that. I also have lived long enough to know it's not going to look exactly like what I think it will look like.

But, here's what I do believe. The Creator of the Universe has a plan and purpose for me. I know His voice because I have heard it thousands of times and checked it against His word to validate its truth. I look at His character and ask, "Is this something God would call me to?"

I also know a deep seeded calling on my life. I see glimpses and whispers of it back through my whole life.

I don't need a Plan "B".... I will go where He leads me until He tells me otherwise. There is NOTHING.... I repeat NOTHING I have ever found in the Bible that validates the Plan "B" we western Christians place so much stock in.

Moses didn't sit down with Aaron and say, "Well, just in case God doesn't really deliver us out of Egypt what do you think we should do?" NO. He uprooted thousands of people through the most impossible circumstances and left Egypt.

The apostle Paul was called to return to Jerusalem where he knew he would likely be jailed and killed for his faith. When he first told his fellow Christians they tried to dissuade him. But after he made it clear God asked it of him, they supported him. Why? Because they knew God is bigger than what they think lies ahead.

When I stepped on the Hillsdale College campus for a visit at 16-years-old, I knew it was the school God wanted me to attend. My mom begged me to have a back-up plan. She found other schools for me to apply to. I didn't. Months later I was accepted, soon after I had most of my school covered by scholarships.

When God called me to move to Boise on 48 hours notice, I did. I packed everything I owned into my car and drove 15 hours through a blizzard to a city I didn't have a place to live, didn't know anyone, and didn't have a job. I have never looked back and questioned that calling. I knew even when facing some tough obstacles, that God wanted me here.

The first time I went to Australia for my Discipleship Training School people thought I was insane and asked the same question. "What if this doesn't work out?"

I don't say this to walk in pride. I say all of this because I know the God I serve. At His name every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord! I know that He defeated death. I believe that He spoke and the universe came into being. The earth is His foot stool. The world and all it contains is His.

Why, oh, why do we walk according to any other plan than His? I certainly need to come before God to make sure my Plan "A" is His plan. But, as a friend recently told me, "God is not going to call you into the desert and leave you there."

Maybe, just maybe, we as Christians don't see change in the world because we don't really believe God is moving.

FRUIT (Testament to God's Faithfulness)

Sometimes I wonder if my life really matters. Am I impacting the world? Is anyone really listening?

The resounding answer is "Yes." That's why the term Christian has a negative connotation attached to it in our culture. The world is watching, and a lot of the time they don't like what they see. The good news is, God moves despite our failed, flawed attempts.

I should be reflecting His light, but sometimes I wonder.

This week I had a tearful conversation with someone I've been friends with for about 5 years. I met her training for my claims job. When we did our second round of training in Los Angeles, we volunteered to be roommates since the hotel didn't have enough single suites.... trust me it was no sacrifice rooming with her in this huge hotel suite.

She is from Seattle, so a bit away but not too far from here. We got along great even though our lives and backgrounds were so different.

Later that year, I visited her in Seattle and got to meet her friends there, hang out and just talk a lot about life. I didn't realize at the time I was sharing my faith. God is just a key part of who I am, I guess He just comes out even when I don't think about it.

When I went home, I begged my Life Group to pray for her. So they did.

Fast-forward 4 years.... I see on facebook she is getting baptized. Next thing I know, this whole past year, she's going to church, talking about God, His Word.... She is now a Follower of Christ!

I recently wrote her to let her know how proud I was of all that she was walking in and how encouraging it was to see God working in her. She told me that being friends with me was part of that transition. She saw my faith and love for God and wanted it for herself. I cried. I bawled like a baby.

I don't say this to glorify myself. I'm sure there are people in this world who have a completely different view of God because I wasn't faithful in living for Him.

But, I say this in encouragement. I prayed for her in hope, but I guess like a lot of Christians, I wasn't sure if God would actually move. My faith was paltry at best.

God is faithful. He is so, so faithful. He loved her so much that He put her in my path because He was pursuing her. I was one of His many instruments to reach her heart.

Love people. Go love people. Tell them about what God's done to you, but they won't listen until we forget our pride and love them unconditionally. And, pray for them. Pray believing big things. At the time, I had no idea the outcome. I am so glad I got to see the fruit of God in me. I'm so glad I now have another friend who is living for God's kingdom!

Bold for Christ?

I blew it! I completely screwed up! You know those opportunities staring you in the face and you completely walk away? I recently had one.

See on my DTS I felt pretty bold for Christ. It wasn't so bad going into the streets and sharing God with backpackers, teenagers, and random "townies". Probably because I knew I wouldn't be back and they'd never see me again (well, not until heaven I hoped.) It was also easier because I was with 36 other people doing the same thing. We'd pray together, encourage each other, and go.

That's all great but God wants us to be bold for Him as much in Jerusalem (home) as in Samaria (further away areas).

I was sitting at Java reading my Bible, journaling, sipping my Bowl of Soul before meeting with a friend to talk about her trip to Africa. A girl came in and sat close to me.... obnoxiously close. I was annoyed, of all the places in the coffee shop to sit it had to be within my personal bubble! This was MY "quiet time"! (Yeah, I still have a pretty selfish heart.)

Then (thinking somehow I own this little space of coffee shop) she has the nerve to start talking to people who pass through, apparently she knows them. I'm sitting so close I cannot help but hear her conversation. She's probably my age (mid-late 20's). Less than a year ago she woke up and was completely blind in one eye. The Dr's had trouble diagnosing it. It was an eye disease so rare hardly anyone in the US actually has it. There is nothing they can do. She was sharing with her friend about how terrified she was when it happened and she had to fly back to Boise from California where she is living all alone to be with her parents. She sounded so helpless and upset over her condition. It also seemed clear she wasn't a follower of Christ.

Her friend left the shop and she sat quietly typing on her laptop.

God prodded me, "I want you to pray for her." So I prayed. "No, I want you to go over to her and pray for her."

"God, are you kidding me? This place is busy but not busy enough no one would notice!"

"She needs to hear about ME and be healed!"

"Wait, God, you want me to go over to this stranger in this coffee shop I frequent, share You, and pray out loud for healing for a girl who isn't a Christian?"

"YES"

"Are you kidding me!?! They are going to think I'm nuts!"

I tried to negotiate with God.... perhaps sitting this close my silent prayers would heal her. A sign... I need a clear sign. (Okay, I heard God loud and clear on that one, I just wanted a miracle, like no one else but me and her in the coffee shop, God forbid people judge me!)

God wouldn't let me out of it but I was full of excuses (Oh, Moses, I know your pain.) What's more is not only was I afraid of man but what if I prayed for healing and God didn't heal her?

In the time I sat negotiating with God knowing clearly what He wanted me to do, my friend showed up and the girl left the coffee shop.

The worst part of all. I know I failed. I know what I was suppose to do. I wonder how cool and what a testament it would be to be able to sit here and glorify God for healing a stranger's blindness and bringing her.... if not those around who witnessed to Christ! And if she hadn't been healed? She still would have heard about God and had hope to cling to! But, deep down, I know she would have been. I let a person go blind because I was afraid of people's opinions! Seriously!?!

Worst of all, I possibly let people perish because of my fear. What's blindness compared to eternity separated from God? My prayer now.... don't let her suffer because I failed to move! I wonder how often God sees this in all of us. In our comfy churches. How much of the world hasn't heard because we were not bold for Christ? In Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the ends of the earth?

When He is Sufficient

I was raised to be fiercely independent. As a child, I remember helping my dad work on cars or the house, he'd tell me, "I don't want you to need anyone for anything." I grew up believing the "right way" was to be able to take care of myself in every aspect.

If I wanted something, I had to work for it. My family is made up of mostly Germans who arrived in America at the early 1900's. They were poor immigrants who worked very hard. That's what the American dream is all about after all, 'if you work hard enough, you will be successful.'

I started working at 13 years old. I took every job from painting, to babysitting, to mowing, farm labor, etc. Once I could legally work, I had about 3 jobs at one time all the way through high school. If I wanted something, I worked for it. I wanted to go to college so I worked hard in high school to get good grades, eventually leading to mass quantities of scholarships to a great private college. (to my non-American friends, college/university isn't paid for here.)

This pattern kept on my whole life. I did it. No one else helping.

That's where I've been so wrong. I've completely missed the mark. First of all, I am grateful to my parents for pushing me and teaching me about cars, household repairs, building things, cooking, education, etc... But, I'm learning I am not sufficient and how damaging that outlook on life really has been.

I look back on my last real 'relationship'. He was gone for a long time overseas in Iraq. I could be there for him as much as possible, but still have my freedom. Still look out for me. He came home and was soon super frustrated with me. In my independent thinking, I didn't let him serve me. While I never realized until too late that I was doing it; I just failed to ask him for help when I needed help. I wanted him around. I wanted him to take care of me, but had no idea how to allow him to be the man. Why ask when you can just do? Right? After all, I didn't want to be "needy".

"God helps those who help themselves." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. We think this is scripture. We disdain those who can't.

If you ever pick up a Bible, you find quite the contrary. God helps the weak and helpless. God sustains. He took a group of helpless people who were enslaved for 100's of years and made them His people. I've been reading the Old Testament and I see time and time again how God provides. Seriously, food that falls from heaven each day! No water.... no problem, just hit this rock.... gush, WATER! At war against tens of thousands of men; it's cool, God defeats them with 300 Israelites.

Doesn't James say, "True religion is this.... to provide for the widow and orphan." Not exactly those who help themselves.

My work ethic.... a gift from God. My brains that got me into a great college, all God. My jobs, also God.

The longer I live, the more I see it was never me providing for me. God has strategically placed people and events in my life. Recently I've been getting ready to head out onto the mission field.... Long-term. In the meantime, I've been struggling to make ends meet; I feel like a huge failure!

That's when God spoke up. "It's not you, it's never been you." "I'm not going to give you success right now because when I provide for you in missions and in life, I want you to know it was ME and ME alone who was carrying you."

In fact, God did more. He challeneged me at the beginning of my jobs to give. Sacrificially, painfully. Not because He needs my money. But so I can know it was Him.

Does independence come at a cost? Too high. I cannot make it one day without God sustaining me. I find myself pushing life like a huge, growing boulder up a hill when I try to do it on my own. As soon as I let go, it's amazing where He takes my life. All that I have, whether through my toil or not, is His and from Him. Not only Him, but the people He has put me into contact with.

While I've prided myself in being able to run half-marathons, wear 4" heels, shingle a house, cook carrot cake from scratch, and change a car's oil.... Turns out, this life was never about me and what I can do after all.

Prayer Requests (Just the beginning!)

Just got all of my visa paperwork for Australia today. I am feeling unbelievably overwhelmed. Didn't realize all that goes into this.

-Pray I get the local info like fingerprints and police background paperwork in by the end of the week, filled out and ready to go.

-Pray, I can get my paperwork from the FBI (yes, I have to get a bunch of stuff from them) expediently. They say it can take up to 3 months to get that back, I have to have it way sooner to send in my visa info. (Pray it takes 1 month or less).

-On top of all of the paperwork to send to the Aussie gov, they are saying I need a minimum of $28,000 a year to live in Aus. I have done a budget over and over again and feel I need about half that. I don't want to raise more support than necessary but the Aussie gov may not give me a visa if I can't prove I have that much coming in.

-In that, pray support starts coming in, so I can prove I will have money when over there.

-Finally, I have a memory stick with a ton of this info on it from my first trip to Aus. It has been MIA for the past 2 months and I have no idea what happened to it. I have literally looked everywhere possible. Pray it comes up. That will save me money and days worth of time if I can find it.

At The Beginning (Praise and Prayers)

Well, this is really happening.

Over the weekend I got the message that I was officially accepted to join the Staff at the YWAM base in Townsville, QLD. Reef to Outback here I come. After much excitement, reality swept over.... in the next three weeks I will need $1000-$1500 for the initial start up. $450 for staff training and supplies, $400-$600 or so for health insurance (required by the Australian government), and finally $300+ for my visa application.

It swept over me hard and I got a bit overwhelmed... but I know this amount is nothing for God to handle.

In other praise, I found out all of the giving can be funneled through YWAM accounts in Tyler, TX which means all of my monthly supporters will be able to claim their giving on taxes! I also got my first supporters this weekend!!!!

And, finally, another huge praise is knowing that my friend from DTS, Marcelo (from the UK), will be returning with me to join the staff! I can't wait to do another step in this journey with him!

Applied

Well, I am officially in the beginning of the whole big process. Got my application for the Pursuit done and handed in to be a "sent" missionary from the church. Now, my application to YWAM to be on staff is in and being processed.

It's a bit scary at this point. Things start feeling really real and less of a dream when the wheels get in motion! Am I really taking steps to spend my life in missions?

It's one thing to talk and dream of it, it's another thing to do it! I am so excited, nervous, and ready all at once.

But, with this is the beginning of the hard part too. When and if I am accepted, I now have to raise full support for 2 years and get my Australia visa in process and accepted. (From my understanding, the visa is the hardest part!)

Well, here's to You, God! You know and I give it to You since I know only if it's Your plan will it ever succeed!

Team Timor... Unity and Joy

I remember the moment.... a few weeks into our DTS our Outreach teams were put together. We all went off and prayed about what team God wanted us on. The staff also prayed. Out of us 37 students, there would be 4 teams. I hated the idea of leaving some of the 37 behind. I loved everyone so much!


I thought for sure I would be on the PNG hiking team. A day before the teams were to be announced, our leader (Naomi) came to me and asked if I would be okay with not getting my first choice. I wanted so badly to be on the "crazy, adventure team" but when I prayed about it felt like God just said, "Be open." So, I said "yes".


Our teams were announced.... all the other teams were jumping up and down, screaming, so excited. Our team blankly stared at each other. Could this be wrong? God really know what He was doing? I think deep down we were all a little disappointed. Of all the odd mixes of personalities, we were like the "left over" team. And, my leaders were the two staff members I knew the least.... neither had lead an Outreach before.


Don't get me wrong, I really liked everyone on our DTS a lot! And, I really liked all of the individuals on my team.... but together? We only had 2 guys.... one was the youngest person on our DTS, the other was hard to get to know and kept to himself a lot. Of us 8 girls, we had the quietest, girly-girls. If you wanted fashion advice you would come to our team but definitely not to build houses in East Timor! Other than Rachel and Malloree, I felt I hardly knew anyone on the team. The first few meetings it was hard to even fake excitement about being on this team. I think we all felt it.


Our first Outreach in Australia got off to a decent start. We had a lot of good ideas and things seemed pretty easy. We worked in schools and with youth groups a lot. Not really what I wanted to be doing, but it wasn't too bad. There were still little divides going on but we hardly noticed. Certain girls seemed to group together. Some people seemed like they didn't speak up or have much of a voice.


A week in, things exploded. It didn't help that it rained non-stop and we were stuck in a big open church with no where to go. Our leaders had left to run errands and we were planning the day's events. No one could agree. People started speaking disrespectfully.... the small tensions went to large tensions. After arguing, praying, throwing out ideas, arguing more.... nothing concluded. Finally, I lost my temper and stormed out of the church we were staying in. I knew if I stayed I'd say something I would regret. I sat in a tree in the rain with my Bible and wanted so badly to hitch-hike back to Townsville. I wanted so badly to say "I quit! I didn't come halfway around the world to revert to a petty 18 year old!"


One of the girls and I had been good friends up to this point. I adored her! Since being on Outreach, I felt like we faced off a lot. I was mad at her but didn't know why or have a reason. Needless to say, our leaders came back, we apologized to each other, prayed, and things definitely got better. Not great, but better.


We all returned from our first 3 weeks of Outreach. All of the teams had a good time but definitely some struggles with unity and personalities. Then, we had a week of lectures on Spiritual Warfare. The more the lecture spoke, the more I realized how I had let little thoughts and attitudes open doors to Satan getting a foothold. I looked back on our team and saw it clear as day that we had all played right into it without even knowing!


We got together as a team and talked about it. We all saw it. We all saw where we went wrong. We apologized and prayed together specifically about our attitudes and unity. I met with Mal separately and apologized for my attitude against her. I felt so terrible that I had been so angry with her over nothing, realizing it was all created in my own mind. Being the oldest, I should have been way more focused on the team and their needs rather than my own. I was so impressed with her response and forgiveness.... she had a depth of character and faith I needed to be learning from. Somewhere in that week, we really became a team. I was given a heart for everyone on the team, seeing the value in their unique nature.


Right before we left on our second Outreach, the base prayed for us. I remember specifically they prayed for "Unity" and "Joy". Something we didn't have the first time around.


PRAYER WORKS! Our second Outreach in Darwin and East Timor was one of the biggest blessings. We had so much fun together. No matter what the task I remember laughing with everyone. When we made decisions as a team, I felt like people were being heard, opinions mattered, we respected each other. The girls I hardly knew, I realized I had a ton in common with! Ben and Sam really stepped up as men and leaders! Maddie and Chelsea, our leaders, were streamlined and effective, they listened to us and really considered every decision with prayer.


When it came to living in a "shed" in East Timor and building houses, our "girly-girls" became experts. Everyone worked so hard, stepped up to every task at hand, and did it with a great attitude. I was so impressed by their maturity!


God put this team together. He knew in all of our weakness there was a strength to impact our Outreach locations.... and each other. We were more than a team, we became a family. I can't imagine serving with any other 11 people.


God taught me many lessons through this "left-over" team.... What appears to be the most mismatched, unlikely group anything is possible through putting God first. And, never make pre-assumptions about people and situations.... what you think will be an uphill battle usually turns out to be one of the best things in your life!


Our team: Maddie was a prayer warrior with a deep seeded joy... and grew a ton as a leader. Chelsea was sweet and nurturing. She cared deeply about people's hearts.

Sam had a deep understanding in spiritual matters, he was smart and mature for his age but also brought a fun element in still being "a boy" at heart. Ben lead well; he helped us with block laying.... put up with a lot of girly topics of conversation, pursued God, and could captivate an audience with his speaking.

Liz was very creative and full of ideas for teaching and projects. She was sweet and every minute of free time had her Bible open, working her way relentlessly through the Word. Courtney loved deeply... she fell in love with the kids in East Timor, spending every free moment with them. She had an amazing ability to hear from God in every situation.

Katie was thoughtful, considering everyone's needs before her own. She worked hard in everything she did whether anyone was looking or not. Hannah was our super star. There wasn't anything she wouldn't try and succeed at... everything was done to perfection, she learned the local language quickly, learned guitar, excelled at every sport we played and did it all with a smile.

Fanny was very passionate and compassionate. She is training to be a doctor and it's clear her concern for people's well-being. She also has a very spunky, and hilarious side. "Making laugh people" as she would say. Malloree stepped up in an older sister, leader role to the team. She made sure people were doing well emotionally. She made friends throughout the little village with the old and young.

Finally, Rachel, displayed an amazing faith from her very quiet nature. She kept people grounded (especially me), had a fantastic attitude in all that we did. And, just used her calming nature to keep the team united.

This Is A Call Out

Copy of my support letter.... here's my heart.

In January I embarked on an adventure that took me to Australia and East Timor. For a long time I have had a heart for missions but had no idea what that looked like. I dreamt of taking off a month to build houses in Africa or work with lepers in Nepal. God had different plans. The more I prayed about it, I felt like God was saying, "I don't want one month of you a year; I want all of you all year."

I spent 6 months doing an intense course called the Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). Never could I have imagined the way God would move. For the first time in my life, I woke up everyday and knew this is what I was created for.

In my first months there, I had three different people (two I did not know personally) come to me and tell me God gave them the word "Refinement" when they prayed for me. I suffered for 15 years from panic attacks; some so bad I was hospitalized. I was insecure in my faith and in my self-worth and walked in pride. In this time, God renewed my mind and refined my heart. I can, with absolute assurance, say I am free from anxiety! I know that I am a conqueror and coheir with Christ! And, that none of this is possible on my own strength.

My Outreach team spent time in Ayr working with children of all ages putting on programs to teach them about God. In Airlie Beach, we went into the streets sharing the Gospel with backpackers and BBQing for them. In Darwin we worked with churches, homeless shelters, and in aboriginal communities. Our work ranged from making hundreds of sandwiches for the homeless to running entire church services.

Finally, we spent 3 weeks in Seurtulan, East Timor (a tiny village literally built on the side of a mountain). We lived in a shed, took bucket baths, used a squatty-potty, and were awoken by rats almost every night. We built houses, taught English, basic health care, and Bible stories and would meet with people in the village to talk and pray. Every night, faithfully, people would come for worship and the Word. (If you want to know what real worship sounds like, have a guitar and about 30 kids singing at the top of their lungs all squished in a tiny room!)

Seurtulan taught me many great lessons. These people had little more than a bowl of rice and the clothes on their backs, yet they had a joy I've never experienced. They hungered to know more. The adults started showing up to the kids' lessons to learn more about the Bible! I got to glimpse the wholeness of the Gospel. We can't feed their souls but leave them uneducated and starving. Just like we can't give them a home but not give them a chance to know God. An incomplete Gospel still leaves them needy. James 1:22-27, "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves... Pure and undefiled religion.... is this; to visit the orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."

Our speaker for our lectures on missions asked us, "If money and ability were no issue, how would you spend your life?" My answer: use my gifts for journalism and photography to travel the world making God known, being a voice for the voiceless.

That same week, I found out our YWAM base in Townsville was one of a few in the world, spearheading an international news organization called "Grassroots News". The goal is to report on what is really happening around the world in order to inform and mobilize people to take action.

Years ago, I thought my dreams of journalism and photography were just that.... dreams. After months of prayer, I know God is asking me to pick them up and spend my life using them for His glory. He gave me this life verse: Proverbs 31: 8-9, "Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy."

Long-term mission, living in jungles with mosquitos and no A/C had no appeal to me. In refinement, I now cannot wait to be doing just that!

Matthew 28:19 says, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit teaching them to observe all that I commanded you..." In this God doesn't give us an option. If we are followers of Christ, we are given this command. We all have a role to play in seeing the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth.

I would like you to stop and pray. Consider what this looks like in your life.

I am putting together, or rather God is orchestrating, a team of people to walk with me into missions. This will include support through prayer, regular contact, and monthly expenses. This is not an "either, or" but an "all of the above". I feel called to commit at least 2 years to this program and the rest of my life to missions. This will not be possible without God and without the community He has placed around me.

I know there may be more to be considered and would love to have a conversation with you to answer any further questions.

Waiting is the Hardest Part

I have started two new jobs which I am very grateful for.  They help pass time quicker and provide income and savings I need to return to Australia.  But, waiting really is the hardest part.

My new jobs now conflict with most of my friends' work schedules.  It also conflicts with Life Group.  Free time normally equates, Erin time.  I get things accomplished but there are only so many hours in a day for reading and chores.

Feeling pretty lonely.  My friend, Christina, just left to embark on a two+ year adventure to England with Operation Mobilization.  I am so excited for her, but that leaves me with limited friends who have a heart/understanding for missions.  Two other good friends just had babies, making their whole world a whole different world than mine.  Feeling pretty lonely.

Let's face it.  I miss Australia.  I know I'm going back but those six months stretch out ahead of me as if eternity.  I miss my DTS family who are scattered across the globe.  A lot of them are returning to University.

While other lives seem to move on to marriage, university, kids, world missions, mine feels like it is standing still.  Nay, I feel as if I am being pulled backward.  It's been two months since I left Australia and this time feels longer than the six months I was there.

I know this is me complaining.  I really have a good life and no hardships, so I shouldn't complain.  I have a wander-lust.  A desire to go do.  A desire to use my time to be meaningful.  My love language is acts of service and physical touch.... two things I'm missing a lot.  Once, I get my work schedule worked out, I plan on serving in the community, however, right now it's scattered all over.

But waiting is the hardest part! 

Returning to Oz....

A few years ago at my church, we sang a song.  It went something like "all I am is Yours".  My pastor asked us after we got done singing if we really meant that or if we were still holding something in our hands.  I knew I was.  I was holding on to security and comfort. The next time we sang that song I lifted my hands and opened them.  In my heart I said, "God, I want to mean this.  Everything I am and have really is Yours.  Use me, even if it's going to be scary." 

Shortly after that, I felt called to foreign missions.  Eight months ago, I was on a plane headed to Australia.  I sat there thinking, "Is this really happening?  I just quit a really good job in a bad economy.  I left so many friends and an amazing church.  But, I'm so excited!"  

My entire 6 months of the Discipleship Training School, I was praying about what was next.  I knew I was wrecked for the ordinary. I couldn't just go back to the States, get a normal job, tithe 10%, go on short-term mission trips every few years.... I knew I was created for something so much bigger. 

It came to an accumulation during week 5, Lordship week, when I knew God was asking me to lay Boise at His feet and surrender to where ever He would call me next.  I didn't want to but I did it.   

Still every time I prayed about my future, God wouldn't give me an answer. I felt like He kept telling me to live in the "here and now".  Not looking to what is next all the time.  It was a huge lesson and I'm so glad I did because I learned so much and enjoyed my time.  

I was frustrated, however, the week of graduation when I still didn't know.  Frustrated further as I traveled Australia afterward and didn't have any answers. 

After visiting my last group of friends at the Gold Coast before flying back to Sydney to return to the States, I cried my eyes out.  I thought I would completely fall apart on the plane.  Tears streamed down my face.  I felt like I had just grown hugely and now I would be returning to the States with no job and no idea what was next.  

After a nightmare of backed up flights in Sydney (volcanic ash wreaking havoc on Australia's flights), I boarded my plane to return.  I wanted to cry more.  I was leaving a place I loved so much.  Would I ever see it again?  

I sat in my seat and a peace fell over me.  As we took off, I felt incredible comfort.  Then I heard God's voice in a whisper.  "It's okay, you're coming back." 

But, how? And when?  I still didn't know.  So I took comfort that some day I would return. 

After getting back the more I thought about returning to staff in Townsville, the more excited I got.  I honestly didn't think I would go back on staff.  It didn't feel like an option when I was there.  I don't know why, but it didn't.  Now, I don't know how I missed that option the whole time.  

So, after more prayer, I will be returning to Australia in 2012.... likely early March.  Until then, I will raise support, work, and trust God for further direction.  I'm so excited!!! 

Lame-o

I'm sorry to those who actually read this.  I stopped updating about halfway through my DTS journey.  I have loved going back and reading the old posts.  Was that really only a few months ago?

I will give more insight into what God did in me and on Outreach.  But, for now, I mourn having left Australia.  I am back in the States, preparing for what is next.... which includes a tiring job hunt.  I know I am called to full time, long term missions.  Researching and looking into what capacity that will look like and the shape it will take.

Until then, I will use this ground, here in Boise as my mission field and try to remember I am here for a reason.  I am back in the waiting season that I hate but will endure because I know everything God has planned for me is worth the wait! 

p.s. I miss Australia so much.  Completely fell in love with that country and those people!

Australia Outreach Photos

Katie's 19th Birthday (in Burdekin Baptist Church where we stayed)

Sam prying open a coconut.

Chappy Scott teaching some boxing moves.

Our guys with the Home Hill Boxing Club.

After school program in Home Hill.

YWAM Base in Airlie Beach.

Rachel and I in Airlie Beach.

Hannah and I on the ship headed out to the Whitsundays to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef.

Whitsundays.

Chelsea about to eat a green ant. (taste like lime)

More Whitsundays.

My Outreach leaders, Chelsea and Maddie, super excited about the Whitsundays.

Most of my Outreach team. (me, Chels, Sam, Maddie, Fanny, Ben. Front: Hannah, Rach, and Court)

Airlie Beach (Australia Outreach part II)

After 10 days in Ayr, we went to the Whitsundays... the name for Airlie Beach and a series of islands off of there.  It is a huge tourist/backpacker area.  It rained a good portion of the time we were there, but it was still one of the most beautiful places I have ever been in my life.  We stayed at the YWAM base, which was a huge house on 5 acres of rain forest, built into the side of a huge hill.  

There was a creek running through the driveway, which we spent a good number of hours building back up the driveway where it washed out and putting in drainage pipes under it.  It was so much fun, getting muddy in the pouring rain and standing in the creek chucking rocks up onto the roadway. 

Our first day there, a World Race team was staying with us.  They were all Americans.  Anyway, they were a wonderful group of people, traveling around 11 countries in 11 months doing missions.  We got to have worship and prayer time with them.  It was so great to be with another really passionate group of young Christians! 

We went into the city on a daily basis and did street evangelism.  We would pray that God would bring us to people and give us words to speak to them.... we pray all the time here and it is amazing how God moves when you are walking in that.  Learning to listen to God in even the smallest things in life really prepares you for the big things.  Now, I have no problem talking to strangers, but boldness to speak what God tells you to can be hard ("fear of man" struggle).  We also prayed over the city and some of the strongholds we felt were there.

I went with a Kiwi girl, Courtney, on our first day.  She is sweet and very quiet.  But, she has shown herself as someone who hears God on everything she does.  We passed a woman sitting on a bench at the beach.  Both of us felt like God wanted us to talk to her.  So we stopped.  We prayed for God give us the right words to speak to her, then we approached her.  Her name was Leanna, she was in her 40's and from Sweden.... backpacking up the coast with her daughter.  We had a great conversation, learned that she quit her job of 20 years, sold her house because it had always been a dream of hers to travel around the world.  She was not a Christian. 

We told her about what we were doing and why God called us to Australia.  As we talked, I felt we needed to be more bold, however.  Despite the fact that she knew nothing about Christianity, I felt like she was pretty close to entering into a relationship with God.  So, I asked her if I could pray for her.  She said, "Yes." I sat down next to her and words from God just poured out.  I prayed she would find God on her journey and that He would bless her with direction and a job when she returned home, etc... then we made it clear to her that when these things happened in her life, she needed to remember that it was God who did this for her because He loves her and sees her where she is at in life and wants to draw her close to Him.  IT WAS SO COOL!  I've never been so bold and I knew it was God completely directing me.  I still pray for Leanna but really believe she will be a Christian soon! 

We have more and more stories of instances like that.  I couldn't get over how much God spoke through us to people from all over the world.  We threw free BBQs and went around the main streets inviting people.  We usually got about 75-90 people show up over the course of a few hours and we got to talk to them all.  I met some amazing girls from Nepal, tons of French, German, and British.  Pretty much none of them were Christian, but most were really open to hearing about God and what He's done for them and some were open to us praying for them.  We never forced it on anyone, but were bold when we felt it was necessary. 

We also had a free day and a family in Ayr gave us money to have fun with, so we took a boat out to the islands and went hiking and snorkeling.  That's right, I snorkeled the Great Barrier Reef!!! How cool is that?!?  Despite my fear of fish, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity.  We had to wear "stinger suits" because it is jellyfish season and they are deadly out here.  I learned that I am not a mouth breather and really struggled with the snorkel.  I met a guy from Mexico on the boat and got to talk to him about God.  He quit his job and is traveling the world and wants to go into some form of humanitarian work. 

Anyway, way more happened, but you all have already read way too much if you got to this point....

Ayer (Aussie Outreach part 1)

The first e-mail is about the first place we went on Outreach.  Ayr, Queensland.  It is about an hour south of here.  It has about 8000 people and is a farming community.  Picture Nebraska but with sugar cane about 8 ft tall rather than corn.  People in Ayr were super friendly.  In fact, so friendly, we were severely over-fed.  Everyone wanted to get us dinner or bring us snacks.  I think I gained about 10 lbs in Ayr.

Our first night we were taken up a huge hill to have a BBQ.  Our van (which we named Bruce) stalled out and started to roll backward on the last push of the hill; it was so steep it was almost straight up.  Maddie (one of my leaders) was driving and after throwing on the E-Brake we all jumped out.  Sam (one of the guys on my team) turns out is an incredible driver and hopped in, got the van up the hill.... we finished by walking.  We have christened this hill "Mozzie Hill" because the mosquitoes were beyond horrible, we were covered from head to toe.  (They call mosquitoes "mozzies" out here.)

We mostly did school programs and went to churches/youth groups.  Our second night our team was split between two churches.  We prayed about where we should go and who should speak.  We ended up at this tiny church with pretty much everyone over 60 (that's being generous with age).... it looked like a retirement home from the early 90's.... pastels everywhere!  Our 3 quietest people felt called to speak, so they gave their testimonies.  They did great!  The church was really encouraged to have young people there and really had a heart for enlarging their church and bringing younger people in but weren't sure how to do it. 

We did a lot of school programs.  In Australia the schools have chaplains and religious educations classes.  Unfortunately the need for teachers greatly out-weighs the amount of students enrolled, so a lot of schools are lacking the chaplains and teachers.  We also ate lunch with kids at the schools, played with them at recess, and did yard work.  We had a blast and the kiddos really loved having us around.  We also did after school programs that were specifically Christian.  It was really cool to openly talk about God in the public schools. 

My favorite kiddo was Sharnie.  She was about 7 or 8.... slightly chubby island girl with short curly black hair.  She had the biggest smile and was precious.  She was eating alone at lunch and when asked said that no one ever wanted to sit with her.  She followed Maddie and I around everywhere and always wanted to hold our hands.  She was glowing every time we came to the school and saw her.

Youth group was really cool too.  I felt called to speak on the closeness and intimacy of God and what He has done in my life.  One of the girls started crying part way through my talk.  I got to talk to her later and found out her parents were separated and hated each other.  Her dad has had cancer for a year and her mom didn't seem to care and her brother was too little to understand.  She felt like no one cared and she had to carry it all on her own.  We prayed for her, encouraged her to continue to seek God through this, and challenged the other girls in the youth group to walk with her through this.  The other girls were really awesome and stepped up. 

Otherwise, there is way too much detail to go into.  I appreciate all of my work at the Pursuit serving with kids because it has come in really handy for Outreach.  I have taught hundreds of kids now songs and dances that we did in Xtreme Life... and they loved it! 

To wrap up, just wanted to tell about one of my Outreach leaders.  She was my absolute joy on Outreach!  Her name is Maddie (Madeline), she is 20 and from England.  She has such a gift for uniting people and bringing out the humor in everything.  We pretty much experienced 2 of the 10 plagues of Egypt in Ayr.... flies and frogs/toads.  We were infested with bugs of all shapes and sizes for half the time.... not exaggerating, they were falling from the ceilings and crawling all over us.  The frogs showed up shortly after.... king toads and tropical frogs of every color and size.... oh, and we had a mouse run out of one of the girls bags one night.  It was really frustrating and every time someone screamed or got angry about it, Maddie would just laugh.  She just has joy bubbling up in her... and when she prays, things happen.  I've rarely seen anyone so in-tune with hearing God's voice.  

Camping Photos (Hidden Valley, QLD)

God's Provision

Typed: March 15, 2011

We had an evening of giving.  We were told to go pray about what God would like us to say to people (words of encouragement or Bible verses), as well as items and money.  God called me to give my spending money to a few people who still needed Outreach funds, as well as a few other items. 

When we got there, they had all of the people who still needed funds to stand up at the front.  They wrote out how much each person needed and totaled it for both DTSs (mine and the Not For Sale).  It was $10,664 and some change.  Then they asked us to pray for them. Those called to contribute to them to give them the financial gifts.  After about 20 minutes of this, we added how much everyone got.  There was less than $3000 left in need.  Then, they asked for those who hadn't given but now felt like God was calling them to contribute to also give.  After about 5 minutes everyone had their full funds!!!  All of this was given sacrificially from other poor students, not outside funds.  It was amazing how God just multiplied and provided huge amounts of money!  You wouldn't have believed it unless you were there!  It was so cool.   

Then, we had a time of communion and committed to each other through prayer.  I have really felt drawn to a certain girl.  She is an Aussie, 21 years old.  She lost her mom to cancer when she was 16 and she is the oldest in her family.  Her dad remarried almost immediately and she moved out on her own soon after.  She has experienced some abuse.  She was very much a loner when we first got out here.  Anyway, I prayed about it and have really been seeking a friendship with her from the beginning.  I just felt like I needed to commit to being a big sister to her and hold her accountable and pray for her regularly.  It was really cool to just spend time in prayer with her and commit to walking with her through life, no matter where we are at.  She was cute and finished by telling me she feels like deep down I am really Australian and belong here.... prophetic? We'll see.  She is one of about five Aussies who has told me they think I am secretly an Australian posing as an American.  I do get along with them the best. 

Anyway, then we had a time of giving gifts and items to each other.  During Lordship week, I had given away some books I really liked to people who I felt needed them more.  Well, my darling Brit, Laurie, gave me two books without knowing I had given away my books.  They are 2 books written by journalists about the middle east and central asia.... which is the area I've been reading about lately.  They look incredible and I can't wait to start reading.  It was just a huge blessing to see how God spoke to people to give up things and all of the things they gave were items the person who received them had really needed or wanted. 

Biblical Studies Lecture

Typed: March 10, 2011
This has been a great week back.  It has pretty much not stopped raining and I am so thankful that I am no longer sleeping in a tent.  My clothes smell good, not like campfire and moldy tent.  I am ready for some sun.  Hopefully we will get some this weekend since we leave next weekend for Ayer... the beginning of our Australia Outreach. 

This week we have been doing a lecture on Biblical studies.  Learning how to read and study the Bible.  They really encourage us knowing the Word.  I really enjoyed it.  We took the book of Philemon and did chapter titles and then highlighted things like the who, where, repeated words, and then we went through the text and discussed what was known from reading it.  Then we further delved into the culture and region at the time to gain a better understanding of the people involved in the letter.  Then, we discussed not just knowing but applying the text to our lives.  (This was one of my favorite lectures so far!)

A few more highlights from camping: not only did we get to hike some really amazing scenery but one of the girls found a wounded wallaby (small kangaroo like animal) and its baby.  Roger (the "Aussie bloke" in my class) ended up having to kill the wallaby since it was paralyzed but he saved the baby.... I will post photos as soon as I can.  He put the baby in his hat and everyone passed it around and cuddled it.  He and Ben (our Aussie leader) got up every hour of the night to give it water.  The next day they transported it to a wildlife refuge and it was saved!  We also got invaded at nights by paddy melons (small marsupials that look like giant mice... I enclosed a photo I took offline). 

Outside of lectures, we spent the week getting ready for our first Outreach.  We learned a really great skit/dance to an Underoath song.... great band.  We are also putting together teachings and activities to do.  Our Aussie outreach is in a week.  We go to Ayr, Bowen, and Whitsunday.  In Ayr we'll be working in schools (you can teach religion in schools here), Bowen mostly with churches and backpackers, and Whitsunday we'll be doing more building, cleaning communities and meeting with backpackers since it's a huge tourist area.

CAMPING and LIFE

Typed: March 6, 2011

This afternoon we returned from "Hidden Valley" Queensland.  It was an interesting time of camping and lectures.  I am exhausted and smelly.  

First day there I got heat stroke.  Then, it pretty much proceeded to rain for almost the whole 2 weeks.  My tent was flooded.  We readjusted, set up tarps, then had another hard rain and flooded again.  Finally moved our tent out of the swamp our campsite became and it still got wet but not nearly as much.  I also got a cold due to being wet all the time.  So, it was fairly miserable in a lot of ways but also really good.  Most of the time it was just our DTS and the Not For Sale DTS, so about 60 of us total.  No phones, no internet, no cars, noooooo anything so we got to spend a lot of time together and in nature (despite the rain, we played).

Lectures our first week there were the most intense so far.  It was on Lordship (making sure God is the first thing in our life in every area).  Our speaker was this hyper Kiwi man, Mark Parker. And when I say hyper..... I mean really hyper. He would end most of his sentences with "SHUT UP!  You're not the center of the world!"  He was hilarious, but also a very powerful speaker.  I'm still processing through a lot of it.  Recognizing how much crap is in our lives that keep us from fulling living for God and to the potential we are called to.  God revealed a lot in my life.... especially pride.  (Learning that pride isn't just thinking you are better than others, but involves a whole lot of other aspects).  

I cannot get over how pretty Australia is.  Yesterday we hiked to these ridiculous falls and rivers in a gorge.  And when I say hiked, it was an adventure..... don't let Aussies tell you it's just an easy walk over a hill.  We had to swim across 4 rivers and creeks, climb rocky hills, and then came to miles of these large rocks with waterfalls and pools everywhere.  We climbed over so much stuff, swam another river after hiking across rocky ridges.  I couldn't take my camera due to the conditions (it would have gotten destroyed).  It was the most beautiful scene.  I am cut up and sore but it was really fun.  We did a talent show last night.  It was hilarious!  It was pretty much everyone doing skits making fun of everyone else.  The best talent was when Aleski (a tall, 18 year old, really stereotypical Canadian guy) got up and told us he found verses in the Bible that really spoke to him and he was going to do interpretive music with it.  He started reading some laws in the Old Testament like "do not boil a baby goat in it's mother's milk" and he played a recorder really obnoxiously after each law. I laughed so hard I almost stopped breathing.  He was super serious the whole time.   

Anyway, it was quiet the adventure.  I think my feet are forever stained with mud.... mud, mud, mud everywhere, and my clothes are all damp and smelly.  But, it was good.  I'm going to enjoy regular showers while I can.

Crystal Creek Photos (Queensland, AUS)

Pre-Camping

Currently in my 4th week of lectures (5th week in Australia) and preparing for 2 weeks of camping. 

Life is flying by in an exciting and amazing blur.  Lectures have all been so intense.  I know God is moving in me and building me up, I just pray that this isn't one of those temporary changes.  I want this to be a lifetime change.  To live deeper in His grace daily. 

This week we are learning about intimacy and fear of God.  How God longs for a relationship with us.  One that is deeper than this distant creator but one that is close.  Isaiah 62:5 ... as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you...."  Our relationship with God needs to be less about discipline and more about striving to know God on a deeper level.  Read the Bible like a love letter from God rather than a strick set of rules and regulations.  If we love Him, we will obey His commands because we want to serve Him. 

Life has been awesome living in constant intercession and prayer.  One of the things I love most about this place is that we are always living in prayer.  In all that we do, we bring it to God.  He is revealing Himself in ways I never knew He could. 

On another note, had an amazing weekend.  Youth Street on Saturday was Nerd themed.  We (the Jan DTS) carried it to a whole other level of nerdiness.  Seems like us leaders have more fun than the crew do half the time.

Sunday was "Fun-day" and we had pancakes for breakfast at one of our leader's houses.  I don't think I've laughed so much in my life.  We literally were just sitting in a group making faces.  It's amazing how something so simple and childish can bring absolute joy.  Then, I went with two of the Aussies in my class to Crystal Creek which is about an hour from here.  It was beautiful.  I will include photos. 

Sunday-Funday with my Aussie friend, Emma, and Aussie leader, Dave.

What a bunch of Nerds! (Vianee "Ger", Laurie "UK", Chelsea "USA", Hannah "Den", Me)

A Glimpse of My Day

5:15 am I get up.  By 5:30 am I am running or hiking up the huge hill here with a group of my peers.  The sun comes up around this time, so it's beautiful to sit at the top and stare out at the ocean.  Then we hike back down. 
Breakfast is at 6:45 am.  We have quiet time to pray and read our Bibles for about an hour after that, then we either have worship or prayer time in groups for an hour or so.
We have lectures until 12:30 pm and then lunch.  Lectures are pretty in depth, intense Christian and Bible teaching.
Then, we all have chores (I clean our flat which 9 girls live in). 
We usually have an hour or so of free time (I usually swim or read), then dinner.  Depending on the evening, we have free time or Outreach Prep and sometimes more lectures.
Saturdays we do "Youth Street" which starts at 1 pm.  About 100 of the local teenagers come and spend time with us.  I am on the Dance Team, so we teach and learn dances.  We'll be performing in a few weeks. 
Sundays are usually free days.  We usually walk to the beach, swim, and play games.  There are stingers (jellyfish) and tiger sharks here, so we can only swim within special nets set up.

Cockroaches, Cyclones, Sunburns, oh my!

Life is a giant whirlwind.... possibly a cyclone. 

Speaking of cyclones, I just went through my first hurricane.  Category 5, one of the worst in Australian history.  Yay, welcome to "Down Under." 

We are into our fourth week of DTS.  It is intense.  My processing is going to take a long time.  Just like when I returned from Nicaragua, I don't think half of this will hit me for months if not years. 

Our first week of lectures was on our identity in Christ.  Powerful stuff.  Learning that we are co-heirs and conquerors through Christ.  Why do we fear, what holds us back?  Knowing that the God who created the universe is our advocate, we should stand in righteousness and truth.  I wish I could give you a glimpse into what God did/is doing in me but am not sure if words are sufficient.  I cannot live in the fullness of Christ, if I do not completely believe I am loved and made new through God.  I started to realize this and refuse to let fear or anything else bring down what God has done for me and what He plans on doing in me.

The second week of lectures was on Confession/Repentance.  Although we are new creations in Christ, in order to live for Him, we need to make sure we have a right heart and clear conscious before Him.  If our thinking and actions are convoluted with sin, we allow things into our lives that are not in direct relationship in our service to Him.  It is not just important to confess our sins to God, but sometimes we need to confess to others and be reconciled.  Ken Mulligan, our base director, gave these lectures and really challenged us in our relationship with God, along with our knowledge of the Word. 

We are now in our 3rd week of lectures and it is on relationships.  So far, we are learning to have a right, healthy relationship with God.  All of our other relationships are a reflection of our walk with God and our maturity in this area. 

So far, I have really loved all of our lectures.  But, it's not just about learning.  If I can't take this knowledge and apply it, then it is useless.  Pray my pride is broken and I am open to the fullness of what God wants to do in me.  My friend (and staff leader), Maddie, had a word for me the first week.  It was "Refinement".  God wants to mold and refine me.  I pray I am eager and willing. 

What I'm saying here is a very pale, simple description of what we are learning.  There is so much more depth to it.  If you have more questions, feel free to ask. 

As far as life goes, we had a blast celebrating Australia Day, a few weeks ago.  Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi! 

Then, Australia week was followed by a cyclone which wreaked havoc on Townsville up to Cairnes.  Thankfully, there was no loss of life that I know of.  Lots of big trees blown over.  We waited it out in our powerless, dark, hot, leaking flat.  We had a bit of flooding, but otherwise, no real damage to our place.  It was interesting running around in the middle of the night with a headlamp, winds blowing outside, trying to find pots, bowls, and buckets for the leaking ceiling. 

More on life later.  I know this is a really brief synopsis, but my brain is ready to explode so I'm going to go.

With love from Aus, Erin!

Photos